Be angry at your clothes - NOT your body!

Why I Choose Strength Over Shrinking

The other day, I slipped into a pair of vintage jeans, from Dries van Noten, that I bought last year in Prague and was really looking forward to style this spring and summer. They were those “tried and true” pairs that used to fit like a glove.

I don’t know about you, but when you wear something enough times, you start to trust that fit. You know that feeling when it’s right. But this time?

The waistband pinched in all the wrong places. The zipper hesitated. And for a brief moment, I felt my old reflex: the familiar wave of frustration, like I had somehow done something wrong.

But here’s the twist: instead of letting that frustration land on my body, I decided to aim it at the clothes.

I’m in early menopause.

If you’ve been here for a while, you know that I’m quite open about it here on Substack and that I also share my own experience and tips:

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And guess what? My body is changing.

If I’ve learned anything, it’s that body change is not a crime; it’s not something to be feared or shamed. But when that change intersects with something like my Scheuermann’s disease (a condition that causes the spine to curve and results in chronic back pain), the changes become a little more pronounced.

My back aches constantly, and that’s when I made the decision to hit the gym again, after a 5 year break, during which I was exercising almost daily but at home instead.

Why the gym? Why lifting heavy weights? Because lifting has been a game-changer. I don’t lift to shrink or tone or fit into some idealized version of what I used to be. I lift to build strength, support my spine, and make life less painful. The physical benefits of lifting are a no-brainer for me personally—better posture, stronger muscles, reduced pain—but the mental shift has been just as powerful.

I’m fighting menopause with barbells, not battling myself with restrictive diets or shaming thoughts.

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This body that I’m in now is one I’m building, not one I’m trying to shrink back to some old version. And let’s be real: some of those old clothes, and those jeans I thought I thought I couldn’t live without, just don’t make sense for my new body anymore. Yes, even if they’re vintage and from Dries van Noten. But that’s okay.

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There was a time when I would’ve gone straight to the mirror, criticizing myself for not “maintaining” my size; when I would’ve wanted act on the newly discovered “disappointment” immediately. But these days? I don’t think that way anymore.

So, NO, I’M NOT ANGRY AT MY BODY. I’m angry at the clothes. Clothes that aren’t designed to accommodate the fact that bodies change. Clothes that are often too rigid in their sizing and too set in their ways, expecting my body to fit into a mold it no longer inhabits.

And that’s the core of what I’ve learned through all of this: clothes can be replaced. Bodies can’t.

It’s not just about fitting into clothes—it’s about fitting into the life I want to lead. The life I want to lead is one where I’m strong, capable, and pain-free. That life doesn’t require me to squeeze into clothes that don’t fit me anymore. I’d rather have a body that works and supports me through the day than one that just fits in a pair of vintage jeans.

It’s a whole mindset shift. I no longer see my body as something to apologize for. Instead, I’ve learned to embrace the changes and be grateful for the new version of me that’s stronger and more resilient. Sure, my body has changed—it’s bigger, it’s stronger, and it’s definitely not the same. But that’s okay.

This isn’t just about menopause.

When you’re lifting to fight off pain and discomfort, when you’re prioritizing your body’s needs over the rules of fashion, you get to redefine what “fit” means. It means feeling strong, moving well, and doing what you need to do for yourself. When I realize something no longer fits, I don’t say, “I need to lose weight.” I say, “Time to cull these and find something that fits my new reality.”

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My body is not my enemy. It is the most important tool I’ve got, and it deserves to be nourished and supported.

So, let’s stop being angry at our bodies. Let’s stop punishing ourselves because clothes no longer fit as they once did. Instead, let’s redirect that anger at the clothes themselves—the ones that haven’t adapted to the changes our bodies have gone through. Let’s stop letting the measuring tape decide our worth, and let’s start embracing a wardrobe that’s as flexible as our bodies need it to be.

After all, I’m not lifting heavy weights three times a week to impress my wardrobe. I’m lifting to live better, with less pain and more strength. And if my jeans can’t keep up? It’s time for them to go.

With love,

Ewelina

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